Maria just got married, and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous.

Her mother reassured her, "Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take care of you!"

So up the stairs she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest.

Maria ran downstairs to her mother and said, "Mama, mama, Tony's got a big, hairy chest."

"Don't worry, Maria." said her mother. "All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take care of you!"

So up she went again. When she got there, Tony took off his pants, exposing his hairy legs.

Again Maria ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants, and he's got hairy legs!"

Her mother replied, "Don't worry, Maria. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take care of you."

So up she went again. When she got there, Tony took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing three toes.

When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, Tony' got a foot and a half!"

"Stay here and stir the pasta," said the mother. "This is a job for Mama!"