What a woman says, what she really means...

• I need = I want
• We need = I want
• It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
• Do whatever you want = You are going to pay for this later
• We need to talk = I need to complain
• Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to
• I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
• You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
• You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
• I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I have a severe case of PMS
• Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
• This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
• I want new curtains = I want new curtains, new carpeting, new furniture, new wallpaper...
• I need new shoes = the other 40 pairs are simply the wrong shade
• I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
• Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
• How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really going to hate
• I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
• Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
• You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
• Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead
• Yes = No
• No = No
• Maybe = No
• I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
• I was wrong = Not as wrong as you
• Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it
• Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep
• I'm not yelling! = Of course I'm yelling, this is important!

What a man says, what he really means...

• I'm hungry = I'm hungry
• I'm tired = I'm tired
• Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
• Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
• Would you like to dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
• Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
• Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
• You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you
• What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psycho trauma are you going through now?
• You look upset = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
• Yes, I love your new hairstyle = I liked it better before
• Yes, your haircut looks good = $50 and it doesn't even look different!
• I like the first dress you tried on better = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go!